Do you have any idea what it's like to get beat up by your kids on the spectrum 3+ days a week for over 7 years? I've been hit, kicked, & head-butted in the head (and chest, and arms, etc...) so many times I started having seizures whenever I get hit in the head. The alternative? Letting them hurt themselves by hitting, kicking, & head-butting the floors (no carpet) or walls (already full of holes). No, they won't stop when it hurts. They don't feel the pain at that moment. All they feel is the sensory trigger, & they won't stop until whatever sensory trigger setting them off is removed. (When your child is sick & you can't remove the sore throat, headache, and cough, they pretty much stay in meltdown mode.)
Tonight (this morning?) I had to set Reed down because I knew I was going to have a seizure & didn't want accidentally hurt him worse. Now I feel like I've been plowed by a semi, I have barely slept in days, and I have no one to help me. (My parents have Bub, Cory just had back surgery and would normally sleep through it all anyway, & Reed hates strangers and would get even more agitated if they tried to touch him.)
Love is holding a child when you have absolutely nothing left in you, knowing you'll probably get hurt even worse before this passes, and doing it anyway because keeping them safe is more important than the physical & emotional pain you've been dealing with for the past seven years.
I have to tell myself over and over again that it isn't personal. They don't hate me; their bodies just can't process the world around them. This is the dark side of ASD no one wants to talk about because we don't want people to think poorly of our babies, but people need to understand the physical and emotional toll this can take on loved ones. Are they worth it? Absolutely! But this keeps us isolated from others, because people won't take the time or just don't care to try and understand.
Good post
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